Lizzie McGuire who sometimes got called McNugget
by Callia Kmunkoe
Summary: Hi my name is Tina, I'm a talking cow, I like to play basketball with my friend pow. So if you see a cow with a spot it's probably Tina the talking, Tina the talking, Tina the talking cowooooowowooooowow


Once upon a time there was a little child by the name of Elizabeth McGuire. Some people called her Bettoto, but other people called her Lizzie. Whenever someone called her McNugget, she would cry so much that some people drowned in her tears, so she went to jail like ten bajillion times for manslaughter. Anyway this is not even the point of the story.

Lizzie (or Bettoto, if you will) had two friends named Miranda Sanchez and David Gordon, who prefered to be called 'Gordo', even though that was not an exuberant, soft tragedy nickname. She also had a brother called Matt and some mom and dad that owned pens, and also owned some names that are not important right at this exact moment.

So, anyway, one day, Gordo came into Lizzie's living room and shouted "HEY!"

"What's up?" Lizzie said with tender concern in her bleeding eyes.

"Well, you know, the usual," Gordo shrugged. "My toe exploded." Lizzie gasped and sat up straight.

"This cannot continue," she murmured as she fell off a big pile of books. "_You_ know what I mean." Gordo nodded, his eyes wide in wonder and shock of Sooka. Just then Miranda scampered around the room, trotting gracefully.

"MY LIFE!" She announced emotionally. "My. Life." She fell to the ground in a dead faint. Gordo yelled at her till his kneecaps were red.

"Fetch it," Lizzie said with difficulty, staring at Miranda's lifeless body. Gordo stared at her. She couldn't possibly mean it.

"No," Gordo's bottom lip wobbled, trying to hold in the tears. "I can't." The lip wobbled so much that it fell off.

"Gordo, you heard me," Lizzie stood up passionately, her fingernails trembling with rage. "And when you hear, you skip." Gordo bowed and then tripped. Then the stuffed llama appeared.

"That's that, then," Lizzie said wearily, picking up the bean sprouts. "It's done. It cannot be mentioned again."

"Okay, guys, I have to go now," Miranda said, getting up and brushing dust off her earrings. "My mom's making literary essays. I should be going." She exploded as her friends nodded with care.

"How are you feeling?" Gordo wondered with true friendship. Lizzie sighed after that difficult situation.

"This is an ethical dilemma," she muttered. She left the room to go to the bathroom, then she came back and sat sadly on the computer, her back facing Gordo.

"This cannot continue," Lizzie repeated, not understanding that Gordo was indeed deaf. "It'll never stop."

"That doesn't mean the world isn't clear," Gordo said reassurantly. "There's always a way for the grass to bloom," he added metaphorically.

"I guess you're right," Lizzie said, as she fell off the computer. Roger got a papercut. "From now on, all we can do is wonder."

"Bettoto," Gordo stepped into the fish tank. "Will wonders never cease." Then he disappeared into the horizon and the dawn as the twilight envelloped his body.

"It won't end here," Lizzie now said to herself. "Matthew." Matt appeared at her side as soon as dust.

"WHAT IS IT CHINKO?"

"Jk, jk," Lizzie said, with a vague waving of her hand. "Fetch me my slippers, honey bumpkin." Honey Bumpkin fetched her slippers and put them in the toilet.

"WHAT THE HECK EXLAMATION MARK QUESTION MARK SEMICOLON ASTERIX?" Lizzie yelled as swippleotded Matt on the head. "Tell Honey Bumpkin there's no time."

"There's no time, Honey Bumpkin," Matt said dutifully.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP YOUR STUPID HEAD?" Lizzie screamed tenderly. Matt became confused with this ethical dilemma.

"But you told me to say there's no time, Honey Bumpkin," Matt moaned with sorrow. Lizzie shook her blonde head in gentle anger.

"Who the poo is Honey Bumpkin?" She wondered, plucking her eyebrows. She plucked them too much so then she had to draw them on so it didn't look like her dad abused her and shaved off her eyebrows. Then she became logical. "Now, let's get down to buisness, Honey Bumpkin," she proclaimed to the earth.

"But you just said Honey Bumpkin didn't exist," Matt cheered, hyperventalating. (_I can't spell that buttword so you readers will just have to deal with that, k? K? K? Shut up_).

"Don't speak nonsense, Roger," Lizzie snapped. Gordo appeared.

"It isn't such!" He frowned.

"You're just on time, Gordon," she said, trying to be funny, only you see, it wasn't actually a joke, so it couldn't even be funny. Gordo left but then he came back like a millisecond later, hopping while chewing his cud. I don't even know what cud is, it's something cows chew, but he was chewing it anyway.

"Take this fool away," Lizzie instructed Gordo.

"What fool, Matt or Honey Bumpkin?" Gordo asked.

"You're being ridiculous, Honey Bumpkin doesn't even exist," Lizzie instructed bossily as Matt tripped.

"Matt then?" Gordo asked.

"No," Lizzie said snappishly as a rooster. "Mimi Cleara."

"There is no Mimi Cleara," Gordo said.

"Does too," Lizzie commanded.

"Who's Honey Bumpkin?" Honey Bumpkin asked. Lizzie burst into tears.

"Miranda's dead," she sobbed. Gordo and Matt looked at her in awe.

"Um, yeah, we know, she died like ten hours ago," Matt said, wide-eyed.

"You don't know _anything_!" Lizzie ran up to her room being sad, wondering why she ever married Gordo, only she hadn't actually married Gordo. She stared at a picture of herself and burnt it, then she ate it. "It's not fair," she whispered into the night.

Miranda pooed.

THE END (shut up)


End file.
